Longing

From dream to dramatic, that's how I will describe my 2016. It was a glorious, adventurous, full of uncertainties and a transitional year for me. While watching the last sunset of the year, I felt as if the whole year flashed through my eyes. In the gleaming rays of Sun, I can see the reflection of my own bright moments, in the darkening of the clouds I can visualize when I was gloomy and depressed.
Having to deal with reverse culture shock of coming back to my own country after spending more then three beautiful years of living a peaceful and free existence, shook the core of our well-being as a family not because we came back to the same country where we opened our eyes, took our first step or uttered our first words but because it is deteriorating gradually. Here, if you don't conform to the set rules and regulations then you don't belong here and if you don't belong here then people are quick to judge and lable you.
I long for the place which we called home all these years, where my younger one took his first breath. The faces that we can never forget, the people that were once a part of our daily life. The routine, the lifestyle that I was accustomed to and the views that my eyes might have taken for granted at times, I left a part of our heart behind. And when I remember those lazy lunches with friends, those long walks alone, myriad hues of unpredictable weather, trees coming to life in spring with new colors and happiness vibes but ready to shed off as soon as the fall hits and standing naked baring their soul.
I am filled with nostalgia and a deep longing and desire to be there, stand on that street, bask in the afternoon warmth. I want to say hello to that shopkeeper who always greeted me with a smile, the cleaning lady ready for the day with her lips painted fiery red exactly opposite color of winter Sun, the taxi driver trying to do small talk in his best English, friendly, ever-smiling and always helpful strangers. I am yearning the moments of  using google translate endlessly, the struggles of online shopping, figuring out the food content with the picture on the packaging, plethora of smells, sights and shops. I miss it all!
Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did the last Sun of 2016 already set? Then, I heard a soft giggle, some heartfelt laughter, a loud shriek of achievement by two little kids having able to build a house with concrete, stones, mud and sticks.
It's already dark and people are celebrating as if there is no tomorrow. Sun has done its work for the day with a promise to rise and shine on the first day of 2017 and everyday thereafter. As I shrug off the dirt on my clothes and look at the darkened hills up there beckoning one and all with open arms, I get nudged and brought back to the reality, 'Mommy, it's time to go home.’

Being a Mother

We all play various roles in our lifetime bearing different shades of emotions but the most crucial, difficult and demanding role in the life of a woman starts when she becomes a mother. In fact, the life of a woman can clearly be divided into two parts-pre-motherhood and post motherhood era. And, no girl in the pre-motherhood era can envisage what is in store for her on the other side because as every child is different and so is every mother. She can learn from the examples but the reality hits when she enters the battlefield or in this case she decides to be a mother. 

There are numerous physical and psychological changes which starts taking place as soon as a woman becomes pregnant. Though she is showered with all the affection and care during the pregnancy phase but when the baby enters the world, the needs and desires of the woman take a backseat while baby's needs take precedence. Basic functions like showering and eating have to be readjusted to match with baby's nap time. The social circle is restricted to other parents and baby's doctor. In totality, the baby starts to run the show and parents especially mother is just a player at the mercy of mighty director. The babies don't come with a rule book and every mother goes through waves of self doubts whether she is doing the job properly or not. There is a lot of learning involved along the way which is free by the way!

First and foremost thing that any mother learns with the child is patience and self control. A great deal of patience is required when after trying for two hours the baby still doesn't want to sleep. Lots of self control is needed when a three year old insists on buying a toy in the supermarket and on being declined, starts crying nonstop lying on the floor, when a four year old doesn't like the meal, mother has cooked so painstakingly. Overall, a lot of self control and patience is required to deal with kids in day to day situations.

Expected the unexpected-this is another important lesson of parenting. Things will never go as prepared and according to the set plan. All the vacation planning may backfire when a child falls sick or you may get late for a movie or dinner when the kid wants a toilet break as you are about to leave the house. In short, do your best but be prepared for the worst.

Listening also becomes very crucial when the child starts to speak. There are infinite number of questions which mother has to answer on a daily basis. Right from, why does water make us wet and why do I have a baby brother to why is Shahrukh Khan's tummy different from my tummy (six pack abs!), there is no end to the stream of questions and every question is damn important and critical for the little inquisitive mind. The mother not only has to listen to each question carefully but also give an answer to satisfy the kid's curiosity. For instance, I remember watching a movie with my first one and he asks me where are the hero’s mommy and daddy. I said, they don’t live with him. He asks me, why? I said, ‘as anyone grows up, he/she has to leave the parents house to go for college or work. You will also leave us one day’. On hearing this, my son started crying that he will never leave his Mommy. He will always stay together with me. I felt sudden surge of emotions hearing his words.

Kids bring a lot of fresh energy and different perspective in our lives as well. Though with them each and every moment is an experience in itself; from the first toothless smile , first baby steps to first words and then later on those full blown arguments but some moments are really special. Its really touching when he waits for his father to come home to have dinner with him howsoever late it may be. His random acts of kindness and sharing towards his classmates and strangers alike fill me with complete joy and pride.

With my younger one, there are no specific moment as such because he is just fifteen months but his birth will always be cherished in my heart. He was born in South Korea faraway from family and friends. When you are in your own country you have all the support and you know everything so things become lot easier. It is when you are away from the support system, living on your own then you realize your true potential. This is what happened when our second one was born. With no one from the family around us, we struggled and learned along the way. In that sense, my boy is absolutely cool, calm and collected not giving us much trouble since he was born. 

Going through all these experiences everyday without fail, a mother becomes a great manager, perfect negotiator, good policy maker and an effective communicator. Yes, motherhood is no easy job and bosses are difficult at time but they give loveliest of hugs and kisses which makes the job worthwhile.

Gujarati version of this article appears on
http://www.khabarchhe.com/magazine/complexity-of-motherhood/