Thursday, January 5, 2017

Longing

From dream to dramatic, that's how I will describe my 2016. It was a glorious, adventurous, full of uncertainties and a transitional year for me. While watching the last sunset of the year, I felt as if the whole year flashed through my eyes. In the gleaming rays of Sun, I can see the reflection of my own bright moments, in the darkening of the clouds I can visualize when I was gloomy and depressed.
Having to deal with reverse culture shock of coming back to my own country after spending more then three beautiful years of living a peaceful and free existence, shook the core of our well-being as a family not because we came back to the same country where we opened our eyes, took our first step or uttered our first words but because it is deteriorating gradually. Here, if you don't conform to the set rules and regulations then you don't belong here and if you don't belong here then people are quick to judge and lable you.
I long for the place which we called home all these years, where my younger one took his first breath. The faces that we can never forget, the people that were once a part of our daily life. The routine, the lifestyle that I was accustomed to and the views that my eyes might have taken for granted at times, I left a part of our heart behind. And when I remember those lazy lunches with friends, those long walks alone, myriad hues of unpredictable weather, trees coming to life in spring with new colors and happiness vibes but ready to shed off as soon as the fall hits and standing naked baring their soul.
I am filled with nostalgia and a deep longing and desire to be there, stand on that street, bask in the afternoon warmth. I want to say hello to that shopkeeper who always greeted me with a smile, the cleaning lady ready for the day with her lips painted fiery red exactly opposite color of winter Sun, the taxi driver trying to do small talk in his best English, friendly, ever-smiling and always helpful strangers. I am yearning the moments of  using google translate endlessly, the struggles of online shopping, figuring out the food content with the picture on the packaging, plethora of smells, sights and shops. I miss it all!
Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did the last Sun of 2016 already set? Then, I heard a soft giggle, some heartfelt laughter, a loud shriek of achievement by two little kids having able to build a house with concrete, stones, mud and sticks.
It's already dark and people are celebrating as if there is no tomorrow. Sun has done its work for the day with a promise to rise and shine on the first day of 2017 and everyday thereafter. As I shrug off the dirt on my clothes and look at the darkened hills up there beckoning one and all with open arms, I get nudged and brought back to the reality, 'Mommy, it's time to go home.’

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