Longing

From dream to dramatic, that's how I will describe my 2016. It was a glorious, adventurous, full of uncertainties and a transitional year for me. While watching the last sunset of the year, I felt as if the whole year flashed through my eyes. In the gleaming rays of Sun, I can see the reflection of my own bright moments, in the darkening of the clouds I can visualize when I was gloomy and depressed.
Having to deal with reverse culture shock of coming back to my own country after spending more then three beautiful years of living a peaceful and free existence, shook the core of our well-being as a family not because we came back to the same country where we opened our eyes, took our first step or uttered our first words but because it is deteriorating gradually. Here, if you don't conform to the set rules and regulations then you don't belong here and if you don't belong here then people are quick to judge and lable you.
I long for the place which we called home all these years, where my younger one took his first breath. The faces that we can never forget, the people that were once a part of our daily life. The routine, the lifestyle that I was accustomed to and the views that my eyes might have taken for granted at times, I left a part of our heart behind. And when I remember those lazy lunches with friends, those long walks alone, myriad hues of unpredictable weather, trees coming to life in spring with new colors and happiness vibes but ready to shed off as soon as the fall hits and standing naked baring their soul.
I am filled with nostalgia and a deep longing and desire to be there, stand on that street, bask in the afternoon warmth. I want to say hello to that shopkeeper who always greeted me with a smile, the cleaning lady ready for the day with her lips painted fiery red exactly opposite color of winter Sun, the taxi driver trying to do small talk in his best English, friendly, ever-smiling and always helpful strangers. I am yearning the moments of  using google translate endlessly, the struggles of online shopping, figuring out the food content with the picture on the packaging, plethora of smells, sights and shops. I miss it all!
Was it a dream? Was I hallucinating? Did the last Sun of 2016 already set? Then, I heard a soft giggle, some heartfelt laughter, a loud shriek of achievement by two little kids having able to build a house with concrete, stones, mud and sticks.
It's already dark and people are celebrating as if there is no tomorrow. Sun has done its work for the day with a promise to rise and shine on the first day of 2017 and everyday thereafter. As I shrug off the dirt on my clothes and look at the darkened hills up there beckoning one and all with open arms, I get nudged and brought back to the reality, 'Mommy, it's time to go home.’

Being a Mother

We all play various roles in our lifetime bearing different shades of emotions but the most crucial, difficult and demanding role in the life of a woman starts when she becomes a mother. In fact, the life of a woman can clearly be divided into two parts-pre-motherhood and post motherhood era. And, no girl in the pre-motherhood era can envisage what is in store for her on the other side because as every child is different and so is every mother. She can learn from the examples but the reality hits when she enters the battlefield or in this case she decides to be a mother. 

There are numerous physical and psychological changes which starts taking place as soon as a woman becomes pregnant. Though she is showered with all the affection and care during the pregnancy phase but when the baby enters the world, the needs and desires of the woman take a backseat while baby's needs take precedence. Basic functions like showering and eating have to be readjusted to match with baby's nap time. The social circle is restricted to other parents and baby's doctor. In totality, the baby starts to run the show and parents especially mother is just a player at the mercy of mighty director. The babies don't come with a rule book and every mother goes through waves of self doubts whether she is doing the job properly or not. There is a lot of learning involved along the way which is free by the way!

First and foremost thing that any mother learns with the child is patience and self control. A great deal of patience is required when after trying for two hours the baby still doesn't want to sleep. Lots of self control is needed when a three year old insists on buying a toy in the supermarket and on being declined, starts crying nonstop lying on the floor, when a four year old doesn't like the meal, mother has cooked so painstakingly. Overall, a lot of self control and patience is required to deal with kids in day to day situations.

Expected the unexpected-this is another important lesson of parenting. Things will never go as prepared and according to the set plan. All the vacation planning may backfire when a child falls sick or you may get late for a movie or dinner when the kid wants a toilet break as you are about to leave the house. In short, do your best but be prepared for the worst.

Listening also becomes very crucial when the child starts to speak. There are infinite number of questions which mother has to answer on a daily basis. Right from, why does water make us wet and why do I have a baby brother to why is Shahrukh Khan's tummy different from my tummy (six pack abs!), there is no end to the stream of questions and every question is damn important and critical for the little inquisitive mind. The mother not only has to listen to each question carefully but also give an answer to satisfy the kid's curiosity. For instance, I remember watching a movie with my first one and he asks me where are the hero’s mommy and daddy. I said, they don’t live with him. He asks me, why? I said, ‘as anyone grows up, he/she has to leave the parents house to go for college or work. You will also leave us one day’. On hearing this, my son started crying that he will never leave his Mommy. He will always stay together with me. I felt sudden surge of emotions hearing his words.

Kids bring a lot of fresh energy and different perspective in our lives as well. Though with them each and every moment is an experience in itself; from the first toothless smile , first baby steps to first words and then later on those full blown arguments but some moments are really special. Its really touching when he waits for his father to come home to have dinner with him howsoever late it may be. His random acts of kindness and sharing towards his classmates and strangers alike fill me with complete joy and pride.

With my younger one, there are no specific moment as such because he is just fifteen months but his birth will always be cherished in my heart. He was born in South Korea faraway from family and friends. When you are in your own country you have all the support and you know everything so things become lot easier. It is when you are away from the support system, living on your own then you realize your true potential. This is what happened when our second one was born. With no one from the family around us, we struggled and learned along the way. In that sense, my boy is absolutely cool, calm and collected not giving us much trouble since he was born. 

Going through all these experiences everyday without fail, a mother becomes a great manager, perfect negotiator, good policy maker and an effective communicator. Yes, motherhood is no easy job and bosses are difficult at time but they give loveliest of hugs and kisses which makes the job worthwhile.

Gujarati version of this article appears on
http://www.khabarchhe.com/magazine/complexity-of-motherhood/

Thank you Ma!

Our first touch, first love, first care, first attachment, first lesson of life starts with her. She is the one who knows us nine months prior to the whole world. No doubt, the first word that we utter is Ma. No amount of words, no amount of celebration, nothing can compare with what she does for us. For me each and every day is mother's day. Her daily phone call is like a therapy for me, sharing recipes, gossips, she telling me about life and sometimes I advising her. Being far away from her makes me realize how much I miss her. I was never senti types but the day I left my house, food cooked by Mom, her care, I realized her importance. I know, my Mom won't be reading it and I wouldn't be able to say all these things to her face. She will definitely shush me but I can't help saying THANK YOU MA! Thanks Ma for being there, for supporting me always, for making little lies to save me from Pa when I did some mischief. Thank you for putting up with my excuses when I did not want to go to school. I still remember during my Board exams when me and my bro, both of us were down with typhoid. The way you took care of us, helped me in revision and stood by us as a pillar of strength. How I used to wake you up for my early morning studies and you got up at 4 just for me. The sleepless nights that you had to endure because of my acute bronchitis. The whole night I used to suffer from cough and dyspnoea, you would be sitting by my side taking care of my needs. The way I used to say no to food when you did not make the food according to my likings.Now, I understand the importance of those simple yet precious meals cooked by you.See, that's why I have started eating everything which I detested eating in my childhood. You sacrificed every thing for us. It was as major as forgoing your needs for fulfilling our desires or as minor as leaving your favorite TV serial for our sake. I am sorry for fighting with you, taking you for granted. I dread to think of the absence of you existence in our lives. Ma, please take care of yourself for me.
You taught me everything whatever I am today. It was your love, support and counselling that got me through everything. I can't write more..where's my phone? I need to talk to you, Ma..........

How I sacrificed something dear to me....

They say it takes three weeks to change habit! There are lots of thing that change over time but one thing that remained unchanged till now was my sleeping habit! Ohh...how I just love to sleep till the wee hours of the day!I always detested getting up early so much that even my board exams could not deter me from my sleep. I would always duck it for some reason or so during exams but when it became impossible to make excuses with my mother then as a last resort, I threatened her up with..."if I am getting up early to study then you would also have to get up with me". And my poor mom, she complied with my request and got up at 4 AM with me for the whole duration of exams {How we used to get all the royal treatment when we sat for our board exams}. Anyways, morning sleep is always so wonderful although you know that outside the whole world is waiting ,then also you want to sleep for five minutes more. Throughout school, college, office my love for sleep remained unchanged. Thankfully, my Ma-in-law was as accommodating as Mom, so she too never asked me to get up early. (I think this is enough to establish my love for morning sleep) Alas! One fine day, it all changed! And bouquet (or brickbat) goes to my hubby dear! He is also a lover of sleeping in the morning but suddenly he realized that he is growing horizontally (in simpler terms...gaining weight)and he need to do something for it. Then he took off his jogging shoes and started morning walks. Lo...the tummy was going back to its normal position..my hubby was getting back hs boyish charm and I had a nightmare that I have become fatso (like Ayesha of today) and he is falling for some PYT (you can read sania!)...no! I could not sleep through all this! I have to get up and don my jogging shoes too! I could not let that nightmare be a realty! And that way I sacrificed my morning sleep. Now its been six months and both of us love every minute of that one hour spend amidst nature. We enjoy walking, running, doing stretching, meeting different types of fellows (whom we have secretly given nicknames). We love getting up at 5 and enjoy our time together. Although, sometimes my love for sleeping prevails over my addiction for walk but soon the thought of fresh oxygen in the lungs, first rays of sun bathing everything, chirping of birds, wet grass, exhilaration of running fills my mind and I get all geared up! I suggest you all to please get up and go for a morning walk....as heady as a glass of chilled beer! (only that it keeps you fresh all day...no hangovers!)